Why did you go

I am sitting here on my phone writing this entry with a heavy heart. I am in Sydney and I am leaving for London in 3 days time. I am very, very sad. I have a certain emptiness about me that I can’t seem to fill. It just doesn’t seem fair to me.

It is nice to have a new priest at our parish who I adore. I told him a month ago my reasons for going to London and rather than judging me, he said he’d seen mj before in concert, and I would looove it….

Interesting contrast to some parishioners of whom have been a little judgememtal. For instance last night someone tried to lecture me on how I’d probably get a lot out of doing faith based stuff. And more so than going to a concert…. Marginalizing of course, my upset …. I just wanted to scream.

I am 25. I’ve always acted older and done more mature stuff with my time. I base my life around church. I organize a youth group I do children liturgy, I am on the liturgical list — I try to always do my best to get involved in everything at church including visiting the elderly and being personal taxi to young girls. I just. Want. To. Be. My. Age. For. Once. In. My. Life.

And if I want to be sad about MJ let me be. Why is it ok for people to make fun of the lives of celebs or disrespect them? Is it right as a Christian to jump on the bandwagon and pay out people just because you don’t know them and they are famous?! No. That’s still unchristian.

I told my priest very candidly last nite that I’m extremely mad at god and am finding it hard to understand why he would do this to someone and to a very very young family…. It’s not fair. He assured me it’s normal— but. Still I feel really depressed.

And now London…. Empty.